I know of so many people around me who do what they do…which
is all so weird to me, is just to get generally accepted. I am going to list
some characters and their gesture without taking any real names…because ‘sue’
is a word I would like to keep away with.
She is a 6 year old. She loves to visit her good friend’s
family. When she is with them she gets to be stupid, weird, babyish and dumb. Cuteness
many a times in our society is mistaken as idiocy, insanity or even for
silliness in kids! Hence her folks send her to their house just so that…she
feels that it is even OK to be dumb. We mock her childishness but she looks fwd
to meet them just to feel their foolishness and also to showcase and be revered
for her own childishness.
He is past his retirement age. But does not want to submit
to that fact. He still slogs out every day in a very crowded public transport,
wherein he overtly discerns that his income is way lesser than the investment of
both time, energy and money he is putting in. But because he gets to be the
boss of his own mind, gets to give orders, gets to suggest, gets to find faults
in mute machines and gets to be the Jack of all his trades, he continues to
work. His children are married and have a mind of their own. When they lived
with him, they only listened to him, since they flew away and are nesting
differently, they for a good reason do not want to listen to him, and they have
their own reasons, now they have their own experience. That makes his experience
outdated. He wants others to listen to his suggestions and take his advice very
earnestly. His requisites only get fulfilled when he is ‘the employer’, ‘the
boss’ and using his expertise and authority.
She has always been a house wife. She has nurtured her two
children and set them off on their journeys. Now one of her children is in need
of her. But because of her health, she is unable to travel, hence is being of
no use her beloved child. Her child with the grace of God is managing well
without any help. The helpless mother should be at ease. But her guilt makes
her call her child every night, ask her the same set of routine questions, show
sympathy, show regret, express concern. Which in turn only fades her child’s
spirit. Now her child is learning the art of diplomacy of listening to the
mundane questions and worry every day to her best ability.
Being a retired personnel, she should be staying with her
family, not only that, having come from a town and employment which required a
lot of people interaction, she should have been amongst people in her old age.
But she is not! When her known ones visit her, she starts speaking non-stop.
She does not even realize that some talks and facts she has re-re-reiterated
already. She just would talk, until, if you being her listener, soon will only
see her lips moving and cut the cord from that moment and turn a deaf ear and
nod and say Haanji, bilkul, wahi to, Achha!
She is again a very laborious mother. Has always belonged to
a conservative, tight knit family. But her DNA along with her better halves gave
birth to very progressive children. These children in turn married likeminded
people like themselves. This multiplication brands her to be the only conservative
in a tribe of progressive predators (these people hunt her biases). She feels
lonely and left behind. She likes to be amongst such people who follow her
rituals and mannerisms no matter how depreciative they are. She relishes the
company of such kin. Because of her uncompromising
beliefs and convictions she feels less esteemed and endangered by her own
blood. Which is so unfortunate. She craves attention, she isn’t wrong at that…or
is she?
Complete unbiased count of a patient visiting a doctor. At
home no one takes his/her illness gravely. But as soon as you visit the Doctor,
because you are paying the Doctor, you can spill your heart out about how you
feel and how painfully you are going through this hard time of illness. There
there ! The doctor reassures. You feel all better.
What has clearly happened in all the above ambiguous references?
There is a feeling, an act an expression which is evident throughout. It is
acknowledgement!
Human nature craves acknowledgement. When you are new born
baby, you need your parents touch to and you feel acknowledged. That makes you
stop crying. When you have fever touch of a dear one on your forehead makes you
feel a tab bit better. That is again acceptance from your loved one…and showing
their presence in your problem. The 6 year old goes to her friends’ house as
she is being accepted the way she is. She does not have to modulate herself to
her parent’s desire and discipline. The father craves attention, he wants to go
back to the time where he was the top lineage, and his authority was
everything. He breathed and still breathes like boss. He only wants to be accepted,
acknowledged like how he was in his early years. The mother expresses her sympathy
to her child because she wants to rub it in that she is so sorry for not being
there. Hence she repeats the same sentences every day. She is sorry the child
understands, but she cannot accept that she is not being helpful when required.
The religious mother feels unhooked as none of her ideologies are accepted.
Hence she feels dejected. The patient too pays an opportunity cost (a fee)
because of which he is heard and registered by his Doctor.
Acknowledgement is a much disguised sort of a noun. Starting
with a touch, saying hello on phone, greeting Good Morning, repeating Achha, Haanji,
or even being quiet when you do not agree with someone…are all forms of acceptance.
Each one feels happy and content on realization /acknowledgement. Virtually a
SMS flashes in one’s mind –“Feel happy! You have been acknowledged”!
“The acknowledgement of a
single possibility can change everything.”
